| when nam pho, the man who missed about 4 quarter As through 1.5 years of calculus by a combined 7 homework checks or so, tells you that youre getting lazy, its about time to get back on the horse.
ive recently come to the conclusion that dave chappelle is one of the funniest people to ever live on the planet. if you've seen the white supremecist sketch, and if you think, fuck your couch! all the time, you probably agree.
anyone who might consider themselves well-read or a literature oriented type person has probably read bill simmons, aka the sports guy on espn.com. hes pretty much my rambling hero, truly a master of rambling. to get to the point, he periodically chooses to brighten the world by answering various comical emails he gets. heres an example:
Q: Do you think that Corey Dillon goes home every night, fires up Madden 2004, and plays through a season with himself traded to any team other than the Bengals, muttering to himself as he breaks every rushing record in the books? -- Derek, Washington, DC
SG: Is that a rhetorical question? That reminds me, have you ever wondered what someone like Jon Kitna does when they're playing a game like "Madden"? I mean, you would have to play yourself in a video game, right? So what happens if you suck? Would there be anything worse than having a crummy rating, or watching your character make terrible plays and repeatedly let his team down? It's like a constant reminder that you're a failure at your own possession.
so, because hes my hero and all, ive decided to give the yiyu mailbag a whirl. imitation, sincerity, flattery, and all that, after all. those of you in the know, however, are probably aware that i dont get quite as many emails as bill simmons, quasi-celebrity that he is; nor are mine nearly as funny.
Q:Yiyu, this may be your last chance to apply to Illinois Institute of Technology with your personal "Innovative Application." Get started or finish up right now at www.innovative-app.org/iit. (The deadline is February 17.) Your "Innovative Application" entitles you to a waived application charge, no essay requirement, a two-week admission decision and automatic consideration for merit scholarships.
Yiyu: first of all, before we move on, IIT has sent me about 8932984 emails in the last two months or so. you might think im exaggerating, that i hit a bunch of random keys with my fingers for effect. you would be wrong. also, i checked the link out, and their "innovative application" happens to consist of filling out my name, social security number, mailing address, etc (much of which they already had, which is marginally unsettling). then, i get a teacher recommendation. the only thing that is innovative is the lack of an essay. sometimes, i wonder how long it takes people to think these things up. |
